weird thoughts at weird times.....

weird and unexpected things happen at one point or other in everyone's life but this time it was a bit harsh....what simple and carefree was the journey from jamshedpur to my village......everything was normal.....i have to spend some time with my uncles and aunts and my sis....yeah....exam is knocking but almost 15 days are left....i spent quality time there....such a relief.....but no.....events had to turn out this way....i am not blaming it but then what will you say when tata steel chooses you out of 4 guys selected in the written exam.....i don't know how was my exam as i have never known because i hardly discuss any paper....i was at DARBHANGA when nishi sent me the sms.....it staed...."abey tera tata steel ka written ho gaya hai.....majak nahi kar raha hun....sachhi...." there were 3 or 4 missed calls.....and then a flurry of congratulatory calls....i can't explain it.....my mind went numb and i hardly remember anything of that 3 or 4 hour duration.....i know it was not that big an issue because there was an interview waiting for me about which i knew nothing.....but when you consider the tough competition of my branch and see my rank (30+/67) it seems a great achievement.....isn't it?....


so there i ways, gaping and staring at nothing.....i had to reach jamshedpur as soon as possible.....news welcoming me were.....maoists are blasting the tracks of the route and the train is 3 hours late at the starting station.....i think that i don't lose my cool in difficult situations but there i was.....frustrated as hell and don't know what to do.....i was even considering to fucking forget the train and take a bus.....and if you know the route you will surely appreciate my decision of not considering the option.....i can't explain enough, how long the journey was......when i reached jamshedpur i had made my mind to gulp a beer and throw out those useless frustrating thoughts out of my mind.....but chinki saved me from this unwelcoming thought too......i wouldn't have survived the interview if i had done that......

i don't know what is the limit of coolness but this incident showed me that i have to go a long way to achieve what i want to achieve....a state where an incident will not carry any exaggerated effect on my mind in any situation.....i don't say that was completely off the track.....at least i managed to get through the interview....but it was really weird....

What is she trying to do…..going to start a religion? And she probably would have succeeded if she were an orator as good as a writer. Every character in this novel is worth noticing, admiring and despising. On one hand there is HOWARD ROARK….an undisputable champion and a great talent in the field of architecture…..as solid as a rock about his principles. He is quiet able to carry forward the legacy of the all those creators and inventors without whom mankind would not have been able to make the world comfortable enough for himself. He is unmoved by theories of sacrificing his great art works for the sake of common people. Life should be lead in a way that makes a man happy and he should never compromise on his work at which he is best. He has been forced to make subtle changes in his works and reasons put forward. He has never been recognized for his work and fame is a word never experienced by him.

The book despises every religion in the world that makes the world a place …..where individual talents are suppressed to make way for the mass…. where a man is forced to sacrifice his talent for no reason whatsoever. ELSEWORTH TOOHEY is the champion of this thought. He is an ideal of the masses. His nonsense is a preaching. His self sacrifice theories are sermons and he leads to a world where your happiness is nothing if it is unable to satisfy the people surrounding you, the society. He is termite both in appearance and thoughts. He is a gas that is corroding the environment and he is growing at such pace that it will soon eat away all the talent in the world and then on man will depend on other….this other will depend on some different other and so on. Ultimately they all will depend on him and this is his method of making power. There will never be a free will, a free thought, any original idea and then the whole world will be equal. Yes, he is an ideal. At least everyone in the world thinks so.

This world is not a place for talents like ROARK. I m going to destroy each and every talent and because I know this something I can’t endure, I will make myself suffer. To suffer because I am a part of this world where a purist can’t survive. This is a world of second-handers and I will make them suffer unknowingly by eliminating their most prized possessions. This is GAIL WYNAND and DOMINIQUE FRANKON. These two are the characters that startle me the most. WYNAND is an extremely powerful man. He has gained power by giving the world what they always wanted to gain. He was the head of newspaper BANNER which came forward with each and every story of pain, atrocity, and humiliation for the human race. He made them suffer. DOMINIQUE was of her own kind. She wrote very article in her own way……despising the talent with each word and yet there was a theme of appreciation….in the core there was a humiliation for those who made it possible. She always try to make herself suffer by disguising herself, as a creature devoid of self, a writer worth preposterous talks in useless columns.

This is such a good philosophical book that at times it becomes a great psychological adventure. You can't take your eyes off when you are reading and you can’t stop thinking about it when you are doing something else, that is rare until you finish the book. Each and every character has its own charm and superb dialogues to defend their theories. While reading you feel that you are diving in the ocean of minds all those people whom you have known to be great in one way or the other. You know that there are two ways of getting success and when you chose the shortcut by compromising with your soul, you always fret over simple issues that can make you lose your fame or money. You become PETER KEATING whose ideal is TOOHEY. But if you chose the pure way you are frightened of nothing. Not even money or rarest of success possible in the world can make you do something with which your heart and soul doesn’t agree upon. You become HOWARD ROARK.

I know that whatever I say, as much I praise the book is not going to force you to get a copy of the book in your hand instantly, because whatever I write is not going to make it THE FOUNTAIN HEAD and because I am not AYN RAND.

what's this....

you know....this all is shit.....yeah so what i have been drinking.....are all of u not convincing everyone to listen ur way....go on but it's not gonna make a change......the world will be what it is......

life??????? how can i describe it.....i m hopeless.....as simple as that....at times i think i can make it all right and moment latter its all gone...believe me.....u can write this only when u r drunk....i m fucking high.....i m not gonna preach....i aint gonna cry......this will go as simple as it can.....

u disguise urself every time.....i thought u can live ur life life with one frame of mind through out....but guess what....i was wrong.....i m always wrong and supposedly will always be.....off course "linkin park was right.....in the end....it doesnt even matter...."

आज बहुत दिनों के बाद कुछ लिखे का मन किया तो सोचा क्यों न हिंदी मैं लिखा जाये....वैसे भी कुछ न करने से कुछ अलग करना ही बेहतर है....बस फिर क्या....कुछ बकता हूँ....

हाल ही में झारखण्ड के चुनाव के नतीजे घोषित हुए....फिर इस बार वही बात हुई जो सबके दिलों में कही न कहीं छुपी थी....३ पार्टियाँ लगभग बराबर सीटें ले गयीं और तीनो में से कोई भी झुकने को तैयार नहीं थीं....अंत में उस आदमी को मुख्यमंत्री बनाया गया जिसके ऊपर अभी भी कई अपराधजनक धाराएँ लंबित हैं.....और जिसकी वजह से पिछले चनावों में भी इन्ही परिस्थितियों में एक स्थायी सरकार नहीं बन पाई थी...

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ये बहुत दिनों पहले की बात नहीं है जब झारखण्ड को एक नए राज्य का दर्जा दिया गया था....शायद ऐसा इसलिए किया गया था की जिस क्षेत्र को वो मौके नहीं मिले जैसा की एक स्वतंत्र राज्य को मिलता है उसे भी अपनी तरक्की के बारे में सोचने का पूरा मौका मिले और यहाँ के पिछड़े लोग भी अपने लिए कुछ कर सकें.....मगर ऐसा होता दीखता नहीं है.....भारत एक स्वतंत्र  देश है और इसमें कोई सक नहीं की इसे चलाने वाले लोग बहुत ही काबिल और देश का भला सोचने वाले लोग हैं......फिर ऐसा क्यों हो जाता है की जिस उद्देश्य से कोई निति बनायीं जाती हैं उनका परिणाम कुछ अलग ही हो जाता है.....

   जब कोई राज्य निर्माण जैसा महत्वपूर्ण फैसला लिया जाता है तो निर्माण सम्बंधित सारी बातें अच्छी तरह सोच लेना अनिवार्य ही होता है....ये बात किसी से छुपी नहीं थी की झारखण्ड की आबादी का अधिकतम हिस्सा आदिवासियों का है....और स्वतंत्र होने पर उनकी प्रगति ही इस राज्य की प्रगति का सूचक होगा....मगर ऐसा तब होता जब इसके बारे मैं निर्णय करने वाले लोग भी ओछी राजनीती को छोड़ कर ऐसा ही सोचें....मगर ऐसा सोचने के लिए ऐसी काबिलियत भी चाहिए जो की उनके शैक्षणिक स्तर को देख कर प्रतीत नहीं होता.....मगर ये उनकी गलती कम है जो अभी सत्ता में हैं बल्कि उनकी है जिसने इस स्थिति को कायम किया....जब किसी को बिना ज्ञान के शक्ति दे दी जाती है तो कुछ ऐसा ही होता है.....

कभी कभी आश्चर्य होता है की भारत की मुश्किलें भी कितनी विभिन्न हैं.....कभी हमारे पास कोई सुविधा नहीं होती और हम उन चीजों के लिए तरसते हैं जिनका खुला दुरूपयोग हमारे ही परोसी कर रहे होते हैं......वैसे ये यहाँ के लिए कोई नयी बात नहीं है....सबसे बड़ी बात ये है की यहाँ के लोग देश को देश ना देख कर विभिन्न राज्यों का समूह देखते हैं....एक सुदृढ़ और संपन्न देश के लिए लोगो की इस मानशिकता का बदलना नितांत आवश्यक है.....मेरे पिछले बोग की तरह इसमें भी अंतिम आशा यही होगी कि इस समस्या का समाधान अधिक दूर ना हो और झारखण्ड अपने संसाधनों का सदुपयोग करते हुए एक विस्मयकारी प्रगति के साथ सबको आश्चर्यचकित कर दे.......

                                        

                                              शबनम कि बुँदे अभी उतरी नहीं हैं,

                                             सितारों से अपनी राहे सजा लो,

                                             क्या पता सुबह कि आगोश मैं क्या छुपा है,

                                             सुनहरी किरणों के भेष में,
                                             चिलचिलाती धुप अपना रास्ता ना बना रही हो....

an interesting fact...

Yesterday night was a party night as almost all friday nights are. Our mess remains off on this night and unlike other guys of college i and my frnds like to stay in the hostel. Though we find it difficult to find decent food we stay coz its not the food that is on the menu. Yesterday after a "dosa" and "maggy" the party was on. I smoked 4 joints with ravi boss. He is a guy with unlimited supply of what we call "maal". And again it is the season of thoughts that generally follows smoking joints ,the reason for this post.

this time i thought of representing human emotions and their complexity in terms of a mathematical expression. Funny as it may seems but its interesting too.

I thought of a situation where 3 men are interacting each having three types of emotions. Emotions assumed here can be anything like happiness, jealousy, hatred, etc...now if we assume three persons to be three functions as l(x,y,z), m(x,y,z) and n(x,y,z). Here x, y and z are emotions and l, m and n are the relation between these emotions in the mind of any person. For the simplest of cases let us take l, m and n to be linear function of x, y and z. Thus, let us take,
l = ax+by+cz,
m = dx+ey+fz,
n = gx+hy+iz.

Here the constants before the variables namely a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h and i are the magnitude in which these emotions prevail in the mind of these persons. When these people meet for the first time their emotions aren't interlinked. So when they negotiate on any matter or they think of developing a mutual notion, the output becomes a product of these emotional functions. so,

output = l(x,y,z).m(x,y,z).n(x,y,z)
= (ax+by+cz).(dx+ey+fz).(gx+hy+iz)
= k1.x^3 + k2.y^3 + k3.z^3 + k4.x.y.z + k5.x^2.y + k6.x^2.z + k7.y^2........

what i want to say by this expression is that almost all the variables combine with themselves and all other variables to create a complex expression even when a simple linear individual expression is involved. Human nature is analogous to this mathematical term , i think. Only difference being, it is, i dont know how many times, more complex. When two or three people meet they develope some kind of notion towards each other and thus one of the terms given in the expression becomes more powerful and all other terms becomes negligible. You can get a simple result by putting two variables equals to 0. Then there will be less terms and the output will be simple. This may be a solution to general lfe problems. As you try to suppress your jealousy and hatred a just and desirable output is valid. For this you need to recognise those variables and eliminate them by hit and trial method. :)

as you can see, these thoughts can be pretty intimidating....i got my control over in 1 or 2 hours and thought it wise to get some booze. I went to adityapur bar and bought a half rum....thanks to bora....oh my god...i shudn't have mentioned this name.....he is a crazy freak....


i think i have mentioned him in other posts but i cant resist myself...last night his adventurous journey lead us to hit-dog-with-your-bike competition aka "kutta maro abhiyan". He artfully succeeded to drive the poor dog away from the campus....well he would easily have jumped into a ditch or would have jumped from a hill with his bike if the dog would have done so....


i don't complain that he is doing some bad.....i am scared for myself yaar....i always suppose it to be my last day when i go on a drive at night with him or rachit....but life goes on that way....and i will be doing those mistakes throughout my life...

don't know why...

Recently I have been to my native. It is a small village in north Bihar. Like a typical village its basic infra and modern developments are negligible. Even modest facilities like a decent road and electricity are not available. If you go there you won't believe there can be a place like that in this era. You will get a peaceful surrounding and pollution free environment there. This is the only thing that attracts me there. But this can't be a excuse for an undeveloped village. I mean, there must have been funds and development programs but why were they not successful. And a negligence of this kind is totally unacceptable.

But in a different context I found it so rich that it raised my doubts to an alarming level. The thing I am talking about is the intellect and the argumentative tradition that prevails there. Almost every evening at least 4 or 5 people gathered at the front of the house (it is called "DALAN" there) and they discussed about every aspect of life. May it be politics, traditions, religion, study...or anything and everything. This was almost like a ritual or kind of daily habit. I had seen this on my earlier visits but what amazed me was their level of thinking. Earlier I was not able to digest their talks and so it seemed non-sense to me. But when I sat and listened to them this time it was terrific, at least I can say. Some of them were religiously bent, no doubt, but there were people who criticized the superstitions. They gave proper arguments in the support of their statements. It reminded me about the belief in Hinduism called "lokayata" which questions the existence of God. It mainly focuses on the life that we are living and neglects almost all beliefs related to supernatural powers. Most astonishing thing was that even children were not excluded in these events. There were preparation based arguments in case of any event as community meals called "BHOJ". There were post analysis of the events. There were discussions on each and every subject. This is the source of entertainment for them them as well, as there are no televisions or other electrical appliances due to lack of electricity.

If there have such intellectual prowess then why the hell is this place so undeveloped. This is I think due to the same reason which seems so attractive from outside. They have developed their political reasoning to a good level and when the power goes into the hands of political leaders (I don't want to name one, there are many...)they know how to bend the rules and use it for their own needs. Undoubtedly, there are people who have shown their talents in almost every field. But the major problem is that there are arguments only. These thoughts need to be implemented in the real world and that too in a proper and healthy way. This is the matter with Indian mindset as a whole. They have talents and they have theories for development but everything is on paper. This is why there are many mathematicians and philosophers and economists in India but scientific discoveries and inventions are almost negligible.

Hopefully situation will change. And this not only a baseless hope. There have been recent developments in this state. Good roads, electricity, industrial investments are on their way. This is a slow process but I know one day it will be there....

The Argumentative Indian....

I am reading a book by a great scholar "amartya sen". I heard somewhere he got his novel for this book..whatever may be the case but the book is really nice. When you read something written by such an intellect it becomes a two edged sword. You read the book and after a lot of attention you think it is great but it exhausts you a lot. After some time you feel getting tired and bored by it. It feels like you are in a classroom where a really good subject, at times very interesting too, is being taught and you are too tired to focus on it. It feels really frustrating.

You can continue your work only if you are interested in the topic very much. And this is the case with me. I am progressing at snail's pace but i have not abandoned it. I have completed the first chapter in nearly three days.

The name of the book is "The Argumentative Indian". It deals with the notion that has been developed about india as being a religious nation in nature. An understanding has evolved around the globe that it has adopted all the superstitious beliefs without any question. The book tries to describes about the conditions and cultural history prevailing in ancient india and explains that india has developed its culture in a very argumentative nature. Tradition of explanations, discussions, and arguments have been in its culture since time immemorial. It also explains that the democracy and secularism is an idea which the indians have known for a long time. Ashoka and Akbar were the kings who championed these thoughts in real terms. It also introduces us to great ancient indian scholars like Aryabhatta, Brahmagupta, Bhaskara, Chanakya, Jaivali, Gargi, etc.

Though the book is difficult it is interesting too and i can really see from his work that he has a noble prize under his belt.

In the meantime I am drawn towards a different subject too and that is psychology. The NCERT book and the work of "Sigmund Freud" has done the magic on me. I cant hold my attention towards the subject any longer and it is sure that there will be a book of psychology on my table in no time.

Though there is too much to say today but the post has become too long already. So, good bye.