heaven to hell

High hopes by pink floyd--


This is a path from heaven to hell. I was once living in a heaven..there the life was beautiful...the life was too comfortable to even think about anything else...suddenly i was leaded towards an unknown force...guess where it leads...the path to hell. There is a bridge between these two worlds...

I have stepped out of heaven... i knew it will be disastrous but i caant deny it... i am continuously forced towards it. At last i have crossed out of heaven. OH MY GOD....the door to the heaven has closed...what the f***. Now one hand leads to hell and the other to nowhere... i have to continue towards the hell...sometimes my feet moves backwards but the force is pulling...

Now i am in hell...How ill-treated this world is. I cannt help remembering all those days in heaven...what a life was there!!!...now so many miseries here...what an ugly face of life...i cannt survive here................time passes..........it seems time heals every wound...a have become used to this situation. What is wrong with this...at least i have a zest for returning to those golden days...i have some meaning in life....

a big mistake

This is 6 in the morning and it is rather unusual for a guy like me to write a post at this time...but i have a thought prevailing in my mind and i cannt stop admitting it. I have a feeling about my friend circle that i know too much about them and i can sense every emotion rising in their heart....but this is not true. I had come to know about the fact this night. How foolish i am really. Whatever goes on in my mind is not a unique event...it can be thought by every person in general...if you have an ego, a self respect, a sense of care or may it be any feeling, it is there in the mind of each and every person in the world. What is diffferent is the power to understand this very fact.

This is the second time i have felt lost...and this not due to behaviour of a friend or a person of influence...this has come due to certain lack of understanding of my own world...people say "every mistake is an opportunity, we should take a lesson from it", but it seems i have not understood this thing clearly...only time will tell if i have to write this again or not.

The way i behave, my freinds and i too believe that i am an introvert. I listen too much and dont express my feelings even when i ought to. For me this has certain advantages and disadvantages as well, the latter being more, now i think. I cannot change myself totally, and i won't i know this,but i can adapt to the situations at least.

OPPORTUNITIES DON'T KNOCK AT YOUR DOOR REGULARLY, GRAB IT OR ELSE YOU WILL BE DOOMED COZ THERE IS NO DEARTH OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE NOT EVEN TASTED IT.

Go to sleep man...tommorow will be a great day....

something different...

I am on a novel...."india unbound". However i have read only around 150 pages but i liked it too much to be left unread even if my exams are close. Some quotes given in it are so matched with my view of thinking that i cannt resist it. One in it says..."the people are happy when the king is far". It amuses me so much coz i relate it to my childhood days...Whenever my dad was out, me and my bro ,sachin, had so much fun and were so happy that we wished, at the time of time of studies, he were not in the house. Off course his absence now feels somewhat odd but that was the case when i was a child.

But the main topic it addresses ,i think, is somewhat else. There is a para explaining the view. It says...' in any institution, the superiors should always be there to help their juniors to teach the different situations that they are going to face and how to tackle the problems. They should explain them the traditons and the environment....but they sholuldn't impose their thoughts on them. They shouldnt try rigorously to take control over them coz this attitude leads to low creativity and less efficiency.' This is true for a family or a school or at any other institute...

I have always shared this view and totaly agree with this. A simple example relating this can be taken from day to day life. Whenever we face any problem, we simply do better when there is no one to watch and we dont think anything about the result...so one should try and try but never hamper his attempt by the thought a negative result or overwhelm himself by being overconfident.

DONT DREAM FOR OTHERS, IT WILL LEAD TO OVER-EXPECTATIONS AND FRUSTRATION....DREAM FOR YOURSELF, IT WILL TAKE YOU GREAT HEIGHTS.....

Off to my novel now....

changing times

yesterday i was drinking so much, after really a long time. Its not the quantity that matters but the aftereffects. Before yesterday night whenever i drank i was really comfortable and sometimes even the slight loss of control was not there. But last night only after 2 beers and some whisky i was vomitting like hell...i dont know what is this with the booze...sometimes it wont effect you a bit and at times it can drive you crazy...today i am in my full senses and totally sane, sometimes this feels great.

when i am drunk i become more concious and think a bit differently, if i am not senti....this state is an exception...i can do really wierd things in that situation which i can't think of in my rarest dreams.

god knows what i will write in tomorrows test but its not a problem, many tests have come and gone. i have not worried abt those so called important exams so why now...have a good sleep and copy very carefully in the test...

are you watching close enough???

Sometimes i think of human nature...how complex it is really....you can never be sure after even a great amount of calculation....how nice it would have been if i had the power to hear their heart loud. Some recent developements show that not everything that u are so sure of, will come out to be true...and i really mean it...maybe someone realizes it in his lifetime or not but the feelings that others around have for u, you can never know it for sure. I have experienced some sort of deep trouble in my heart twice, and maybe this is so coz i dont give a damn about what others feel about me. Maybe this will happen again, but i cannt change my lifestyle for such a triflle.

Anyways when i think about this i have a gut feeling that whatever i lost, may it be faith or anything else, someone lost something even more precious... it is for them to figure that out.

i had almost forgotten my blog...but at these times....i think it feels a lot more relaxed, having wrriten what is in your mind.thats all for now.

pure1

let us hear this beautiful song, comfortably numb. it urges u to wake up when u r asleep yet. he (but who?) wants to help you and why?.....he is by all his means, assuring you to become comfortable. he wants to gather some information about u and that means he is enquiring that how much high you are. singer says bla bla bla. what are you talking about.... i m not getting anything and you cannot gather any information about me at least by asking from me. and he also says that he should not judge him by his current situation (or he is not a drug addict). and the tune is like someone is suing the cloth and the needles are being pressed into the cloth. he tries to escape from his body and asking his soul to leave his body because the unknown person has been hurting it and he cannt do anything to get read of this pain. and now he is being treated for his drugs. he feels that he is coming into some other world because he is feeling...... in his childhood he was covering the earth in an envelope of thoughts and know pricking the envelope to see what is under the envelope. now this tune is like painting some fine strokes or drawing a graph with so many sharp points and getting up a curve or climbing down. now this; i m writing from my memory because i cannt afford leaving it unlistened. he plots a graph like tiiiiiiiiiiititi ti tiyi yenyen titiyiyenyen titrertrara tua tua......

so much fun

DEHSAT

it has been a great day. and to such a great extent that even s.s.p.(digital prof) has harassed us to a very little extent. i heard that he started to make guys senti in the classroom and thanx to our great brachmates that they even waited for him to leave the class. anyways it was real fun watching the skit in evening. we all chhapri guys used all our experiences to make everyone there laugh. it was great. sikkim sir was in his full flow and shahrukh boss was unbelievable. i wonder sometimes how many cheap comments does he have in his stock or is that everlasting.
it is worth mentioning here that dehsat has also got the potential. i can never forget his "ankhiyon se goli mare" cheap. it was awesome, mind blowing. the last but not the least thing to make the day wonderful is the news of having no classes tommorow. so the night will be perfect too.